Parenting Chronicles

I had an epiphany lately in regards to parenting Noah. Lately, I have felt that I have been really hard on him and that I harp on him constantly. I expect a lot from him, as he is such an intelligent, coordinated, capable boy. I often lose my patience and get frustrated because I know he is not living up to his potential. So we were caught in a vicious cycle of him not obeying and me criticizing and getting frustrated.

One night, I prayed that I would be better. The next day I found myself harping on Noah again and losing my patience. So, I had to re-evaluate what I needed to do. I knew that I needed to pray specifically - so again I went to my loving Father in Heaven and tried to humble myself before Him and be willing to be the kind of parent He wants me to be. I recognized that I am a huge part of the problem, and that I need to change. I prayed for patience and the ability to recognize when Noah is working hard and really trying. ( I often expect him to perform as well as me!) I also prayed to love Noah unconditionally, which is SO hard to do!

So, on Saturday, I was ready to change- to be more patient and accepting of where he is- we started the day with Noah wanting to do chores to earn money. So I set him to work- he earns 5 cents per chore and is allowed to earn 25 cents per day. He started out well, and quickly did one chore. The next he took a break in the middle, saying his hands were too cold- normally I would get really upset and demand that he finish- but I didn't. I held my tongue and let him snuggle in a blanket for a few minutes and then told him I would put the timer on and he had five more minutes to finish his chore and earn the money. He complied and I felt that I should really show him love through my praise. I praised instead of criticized and I watched as he changed before my eyes. The next chore he worked even harder- he scrubbed my table so long, I had to tell him it was enough- I praised again - and he glowed. Then he did an extra chore of his own accord! I was astonished! Was this the same boy who normally I cannot get to do things?

He finished his chores, all the while hugging me and smiling and happy. I gave him a 5 cent tip and rewarded him for his efforts to show my appreciation.

As I thought about this later, my heart swelled, realizing that my Father in Heaven had answered my prayers. Noah is His son, created by Him, and who better to ask for help? It was amazing to me, that Noah was not the one who needed to change, it was me. As soon as I stopped harping and started to praise the good- and really see him for who is and what his abilities are, I was able to appreciate his efforts. And in turn, he rose to the occasion and wanted to work.

Today, he has showered me with love and given me so many hugs, I have lost count. Noah felt that I loved him no matter what, and has reciprocated in a manner far beyond my expectations!

I am so filled with gratitude for my Father in Heaven who helps me to be the kind of parent He wants me to be. I have found that I am not much on my own, but when I ask for help from my Father, I am surprised at the woman I am becoming! It is amazing how much He wants to help me, if I will only ask in Faith, believing I will receive, and then be willing to implement the things I am prompted to do.

This will be a continual process of me making mistakes and trying to do it "my way" (which never works) and then finally out of exhaustion and exasperation, turning in prayer to the One who knows what I need to do. I am trying to change and humble myself sooner. I feel as a mother that when my kids are grown and raising their own families, I want to feel reassured that I did my best. I want NO REGRETS! I want to know that I was prayerful and raised the children in the way Heavenly Father wanted me to. (No matter what choices they make, at least I will know I taught them the way I know is right.)

I sometimes feel that because I had such amazing parents, it is easy for me to "seem" like a good parent. Because it is natural to emulate the way they treated me. (Not that I always do, however) I don't have to break life long traditions of child abuse or verbal abuse or criticizing. My parents simply loved me unconditionally, and I knew that. When I make mistakes like yelling at my children or criticizing, I feel even worse since that was not the way it was in my house growing up. That was not something I learned through example. So, I feel I have an even greater responsibility to be an amazing parent since I had great examples my whole life. Even now, my parents are still parenting in loving ways; praying for me, keeping in touch, letting me cry on their shoulders and always being there. I hope I can be that kind of parent. And thankfully I can, with the help of my Father.