Noah's Turn

Writing that last post about Amalie was therapeutic for me. I don't know what it is about writing, but it is kind of a purging for my soul. It helps me reflect and review and connect the dots in my life. I am so grateful for that post, because it really helped me recognize what good children I have. I guess all of my kids have been driving me crazy lately and mostly it's due to lack of rejuvenation and lack of sleep on my part.

I had been really frustrated with Noah as well, but for completely different reasons. It's funny that he has quite a few of the same weaknesses as me and it drives me insane. You would think I would be empathetic, but no, I'm not. However, it is good to see, and it makes me appreciate Brad all the more for putting up with all my weaknesses.

Noah loves to TEASE. And yes, I am probably (or was) the biggest tease of all. But now that I'm a mom, it's not so funny to hear my other children being terrorized and I have been determined to not put up with it. Still, it frustrates me to no end. Knowing Noah's personality helps, since we discovered several years ago that he is happy when he is being productive. Time outs were often useless, and we finally discovered that if we put him to work, his attitude would quickly change.

However, ever since we came back from our family vacation several weeks ago, the teasing and fighting has been incessant. And all I want to do when I hear those screams is to walk out of the house and not look back. I have been praying like crazy and consulting with my dream team (sisters, mom, sis-in-laws) and yet I still didn't know how to handle things. What I was doing to discipline was obviously not working.

And then one day as I poured my little heart out into my journal, I had an amazing inspiration. I was reflecting on how frustrated and discontented Gabriel had been before reaching a big milestone and how much happier he was after achieving it. This had happened for both sitting up and crawling.

And I thought about something my sister said recently about not doing anything for your kids that they can do themselves.

Slowly, so slowly, it started to occur to me that maybe my kids needed more responsibilities. And I thought I had been so good! We already have a routine of cleaning together each morning for anywhere from 1-2 hours and the kids pick up throughout the day (after themselves) and set and clear the table at dinner.

I had already started Noah into my babysitting training program. I am determined that he be able to babysit his siblings in a few years and so I am trying to prepare him now. Cooking is important, of course. He has learned how to use the microwave and is learning how to cook simple meals like mac and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches and quesadillas, etc. He has done each of these a few times before, but this summer I decided that he should make lunch two to three times a week. Well, last week I decided to let him "babysit"(while I was home) during making lunch and for an hour after.

So, he said, "Does that mean I get to play on the computer since I'm the babysitter?" (Normally he has to write a page in his journal before playing) And biting my tongue, I said, "Yes."

I think what he was really asking is, "Does this mean I get to do anything I want since I'm the boss?" which led me to tell him about one of my early babysitting jobs where I watched tv the whole time because the kids never asked me to play and I never got asked to babysit again, and the mom was pretty ticked. I think she assumed since I came from a big family, I would automatically be a good babysitter, but in my case, not so. We talked about balancing entertainment and watching the children and making sure they were happy. Noah came up with a brilliant idea when Amalie said she wanted to play on the computer. He was pretty torn because they both wanted to play.

"Amalie, you can play while I make lunch, okay?" Noah said kindly. (This coming from her former tormentor . . . just moments before)

"Yay!" Amalie cheered, clapping her hands together with a sparkly eyed smile.

"What game do you want to play?" Noah asked, and then got her all set up on the computer.
We went into the kitchen and Noah proceeded to make lunch under my supervision. I stood back, having given him guidelines for babysitting and making lunch and trying to only give instruction when asked. Noah decided to make Nachos. I was impressed that he did a great job.

He ran into his first problem when Amalie asked for more food, but refused to eat her plum. He looked at me helplessly and I guided him along. It was amazing to see him learn how to handle situations and to hear him mimic my own words he had heard in the past.

After lunch, he assigned Amalie to clear the table and then he cleaned the kitchen. He was not excited about it and complained a bit. I reminded him that future clients would not want him to babysit again if he did not clean up after himself. That helped and then when he finished, I asked if he wanted to get out some ice cream for himself and Amalie because they were both behaving so well.

"Does that mean I have to clean it up?" Noah asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Then, No way!" he replied.

Can you imagine the giddiness I felt at that moment? He finally got it. It was an awesome teaching moment to say, "Yes, this is what I do every single day for you guys. Now, do you see why I am so tired and sometimes say No."
It was AWESOME!

Then I went upstairs and read a book for an hour. Uninterrupted. While Noah was still on duty and Gabe was asleep. It was pretty much heaven.

And of course, it hit me. I gave him more responsibility and he rose to the occasion. He was happier! I was happier!

I realize that it will not always be this smooth, but I'm grateful for it. He is such a good boy and he is trying hard to be good. But I have to remember like Brad always reminds me that like all children he is immature, his body is new to him and he has not yet mastered self control. (Well, neither have I) And that helps me realize that he is learning and progressing and someday I will have an excellent babysitter. And an excellent daddy for his future children.