The latest Struggle

Lately I feel like I am stuck in a horrible cycle. Ever since Noah has been out of school, we have struggled to adjust. Both of us. Noah wants to be entertained constantly and I am not used to doing that- nor do I think it's healthy for him. So, I have gotten in a bad habit of being really frustrated with him, and nitpicking and constantly correcting behavior and then once he is fast asleep, I feel guilty and realize my behavior needs to change, but stubbornly think HE should be the one to change.

Every morning I pray for patience and guidance and I have definitely seen progress, but I have been wanting more! Over the weekend, I had an epiphany that I need to look him in the eye more and really let him know that I love him and I care about what he says. It seems such a simple thing, and yet, how often I am running around the house, cleaning, cooking and trying to get tasks done, so when he talks to me, I don't want to stop and listen, I just keep going and we yell to each other from room to room. Well, it's not that I think I should always stop in my tracks, because honestly then nothing would get done, but stop a little more than I do now. So, that was a blessing to feel that guidance. Then on Sunday, after we had taken our walk at the Temple, I had put Amalie down for a nap, Brad was preparing a lesson and Noah was playing quietly with Legos- it was the perfect opportunity to read my scriptures before church. But as I sat down to read, I had the strong impression that I should go play with Noah. Well, I am not much of a playful Mom- I usually spend time with my children reading books, or snuggling, or doing chores together. So, I took my scriptures downstairs and thought "I'll read in the same room as him." But again, the impression came that I should play with him.

So, finally I closed the scriptures and started asking Noah about the Lego structures he was playing with. He told me and I tried to make more eye contact and really help him understand that I am interested in what he has to say. I found as I did that, the interest actually came- so often I feel I am faking it. Then he asked "Mom, will you play with me?"

"Sure," I said.

He didn't seem to be very surprised, which was nice, because I feel I am always saying "Yes, later."

We sat down and I asked him what he wanted me to build. He wanted me to build an airport and he would build the airplane. We had such a nice time playing and I was so glad I finally listened to those impressions!

Right as we were getting our shoes on to leave for church, Noah laid down on the floor and said "I hate church. I don't want to go."

Normally this would be the moment where I would be really frustrated, feeling like his behavior should be perfect, because I did my part, but instead I said "Sometimes I don't feel like going to church either. But I know that if we keep Heavenly Father's commandments, He has promised us that we will be happy. And you know what? Every time I do, I am happy."

Noah responded negatively by saying "I've tried it and it only makes me madder!"

Okay, so there was no reasoning with him.

"Noah, it's time to go to church," I said. I didn't feel upset at all. It was wonderful!

He got up and grudgingly walked to church. But during the meeting, he was fine and after I handed him a notebook to draw in, he would show me some of his fun drawings. Instead of constantly telling him to shush, I would look and I found myself amazed at his drawing abilities or rather progress. He was happy with my short comments and was not disruptive at all.

It was such a nice day and I guess I should learn my lesson that when I want Noah to change, it means I have to change! Surprise, Surprise! I've only learned this lesson a thousand times, how long til it sinks in? Anyway, I am so grateful that we had such a nice day. The whole day really seemed to go a lot smoother and was a lot sweeter. And I realized I actually LIKE playing Legos with my kids! How about that?