On Trusting

 

A few days ago, I sat the children down and we brainstormed about what we wanted to do over fall break.  It was funny to me some of the things they wanted to do- Noah wanted to go to Toys R Us and Amalie wanted to go to a bakery.  I thought about how often their ideas for fun activities are very limited to their own experiences.  They are often resistant to new experiences we suggest, even though we reassure them that we know they would love it. 

It made me think about my birthday a few years back. My sister had called and wanted to send my family out to dinner so I wouldn’t have to cook.  We loaded up the car and told the kids we were going out to eat at a special place.  Some of the kids were complaining that they wanted to go to Mc Donald’s or Pizza Pie café instead.  Brad and I were laughing because we were going to Tucano’s which we KNEW they would love, but they refused to trust us.  They complained on the way there and of course, just as we knew they would, they LOVED it.  They were so happy with the huge selection and such and wanted to go back again.  Their faces beamed as they enjoyed a much more quality experience than Mc Donald’s.

Only last weekend, this type of experience occurred yet again.  Brad and I announced we were taking a walk on the Provo River Trail and if anyone wanted to come, they were welcome to.  The kids all decided to join us and begged to go to a particular part of the trail.  We had told them before we left that was not where we were going, but still when they saw us pull up to a different part of the trail, the complaining started. We told them they were welcome to stay in the car if they did not want to come along, and reluctantly, all the kids got out of the car and came along.  That day, we saw a huge herd of cows grazing on the other side of the river bank.  It was fun to watch as we had never seen them over there before.  The kids immediately started enjoying themselves and even though our walk was short, they had a blast.  They found a bunch of grasshoppers and watched them intently, stepping close to see them launch through the air.

On the ride home, there was laughter and exclamations of joy.   Brad asked if everyone had a good time.  The answer was a loud affirmative.  Then I quietly asked, “When are you guys going to trust us?” And very humbly, one of our children answered that they were going to try.

I thought about how often I do that to my Father in Heaven.  How I ask my Heavenly Father to bless me in a specific way- and then complain and get frustrated when He chooses to bless me in a different way.  A few years back, after Brad finished grad school, we were fervently praying for a career job.  As graduation occurred right as the economy crashed, we had to wait a good eighteen months before Brad landed one.  It was at that time the hardest thing I had ever been through.  Every day was a battle to trust in the Lord.  There were times I felt as though I were drowning, and it took all my energy to stay afloat.  I didn't think I could hold on much longer, before I slipped back under.  When I look back and reflect on the journal I kept, tears come to my eyes and I weep for that girl who didn’t know what I know now! 

And yet amidst those difficult circumstances, oh the miracles that happened!  As I sought daily to feel Heavenly Father’s hand in my life and sought peace, something happened.  I became deeply reliant on my Father in Heaven.  Time after time, He blessed me, much more than I could ever deserve, and my trust was strengthened little by little, until I felt bonded to Him.  He still held off the blessing I desired most at that time, but when it came, we were ready.  Our hearts were changed forever.  As hard as that was, I would go through it all over again.  The blessings and lessons we received are priceless and our hearts were bonded to Heavenly Father forever.

It’s a good reminder that sometimes we ask our Father for Mc Donald’s and instead, He gives us a Tucano’s experience.  Sometimes it is difficult to recognize, but the recognition will come. Sometimes it is only in the looking back that we see the huge blessings that came from those particular trials.

I can’t help but know, after all He has allowed me to go through that His way is always best.  He sees the end from the beginning.  He knows me better than I know myself and always, always will do what is for my good.