The benefit of having seven kids without actually having seven kids

About a year ago, I agreed to watch my sister's four kids for a week while they went on a cruise over the summer to be with my brother-in-law's family.  I have to admit I was thrilled to be able to do something for my sister and brother-in-law since they are some of the most generous people I know and have done so much for my family. 

I was a little apprehensive about watching my sister's four and my own three by myself, but then something else happened.

My sister and brother-in-law decided to adopt three children into their family.  The thought of watching ten children was absolutely frightening, even though I really wanted to get to know my new nieces and nephew.  For about a week, I worried that I wouldn't be physically and emotionally capable of watching so many children. But since they are still foster kids, I could not watch them since you have to be certified.

So, being back down to only seven kids for a week was actually a relief!  It seemed almost easy in comparison.

It was probably the most enlightening week I've had all year.  Before I drove down to my sister's house, I was feeling pretty stressed out.  Overwhelmed with life's challenges that had been thrown at me. 

I knew that in order to take care of these seven children, I had to be at my best.

So I started exercising every day.  I started going to bed at a decent hour.  I started washing my face every night.  I started eating healthier to keep my strength up. I started doing things for myself and not feeling guilty that I was doing something for myself. (Like getting a pedicure, so fun) I started to give more responsibility to the kids and expect them to help me more.

It was an epiphany for me.

I was not taking care of myself and no wonder I felt like I'd lost myself.  I had!  I had put everyone else before me and gotten completely lost in the shuffle.  I was completely empty every night at dinner time and that was my own fault!

I make sure my kids get exercise, get to bed on time, eat healthy and then for myself, I don't do it!

It was freeing to realize that making time for myself in those ways was not selfish, it was actually the opposite.  In taking care of my basic needs, I had more to give to my children.  I had more energy and was actually in the moment with them.

After I put the kids to bed, I watched a past season of Biggest Loser.  It was interesting that as I watched this season, I was learning incredible lessons about myself.  Things like this have never impacted me- but I guess I was just in a place where I was ready to make changes.  I have always dreaded hard things, always made them an obstacle in my life and yet, here these people were making this physical, emotional and mental journey and one of the Coaches was telling them, to not be afraid of hard things.  That doing hard things was going to make them stronger and a better person.  I'm not sure, but it really resonated with me.  The theme of taking care of yourself was not lost on me either.  I still wondered if I would be able to balance it just right; I was terrified that I would go to the other extreme and eventually become extremely selfish, but I knew things had to change.  They had to, or I was going to self destruct.

Each night, as I sat alone, taking time for myself, I learned so much about myself.  I learned that I hadn't had alone time in months and I desperately needed to have a little alone time every day to sit and ponder, to really study my scriptures, to connect with my own thoughts and feelings.  I learned that there was nobody that was going to step up and take care of my needs- I had to be the one to speak up, to set boundaries so that my children didn't unknowingly wear me down to a state of nothingness.  I needed to protect me, no one else could.  Since I am the only one who knows what my particular needs are, I have to be the one to do it.

On the last day of my trip, I faced a decision.  Drive five hours in the opposite direction of home to spend a few days with my sisters and their children at the beach, or drive 6 hours to go home and see my husband who desperately missed me and the children.  I was in a spot of wanting to please everyone, like I normally am, but also realizing that I needed to find a balance, I needed to do what would make me the happiest.  I felt paralyzed in my indecisiveness.  Something felt wrong about my decision to go to the beach, but I couldn't articulate it.  My poor sister was waiting for me as she packed up her own van. I finally called my husband to talk it out. 

I will be forever grateful for his kindness.  He very kindly just listened and it finally came out.  I am one of those people who is completely not in touch with my feelings and my needs, because I push them aside if ever I feel they are not in line with what I feel needs to get done.

I was dreading going back home because of the extra responsibilities I had taken on in the last year.  My sweet husband was so awesome to not get offended that I couldn't figure out why I didn't want to come home.  He was so patient while I figured it out and cried over the phone, not knowing how to get out of this responsibility and not knowing if I should.  I will forever be grateful for his calm and loving words.  He didn't expect me to take those things on and he helped me to see that it was okay to say no to outside responsibilities, especially when I wasn't in a place where I could take them on and not have them negatively affect the whole family.  That was freeing.

He also agreed to take a few days off from job hunting and take a vacation with me and the kids.  I felt like our family had been stuck in limbo for the last few months and I needed to be just with my own little family now. 

It was amazing to feel the support and love of my sweetheart when I felt like I was in such a dark place.  I was completely wrung dry, I had given everything and yet I hadn't understood how to replenish my reserves.  And now, I'd had a week of clarity, a week of tender answers to my prayers in how my life needed to change so I could replenish myself physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I was so grateful knowing that my husband was all for it and ready and willing to support these new changes.

I think the best part was that I knew my Heavenly Father was watching over me.  He'd answered my prayers in the way I least expected it.  I mean who watches seven kids and has this amazing spiritual journey and comes back knowing how to be better?  It was evidence to me that He was fully aware of my struggles and was always reaching out to bless me, it just took awhile for me to recognize it.