Sibling Reunion

 

When I think of my childhood, the memories that come flooding back are so very sweet.  My Mom was determined that her children would be close and love each other.  There were frequent fights and squabbles of course, but we truly loved each other.  And as we matured, it was more than an obligation to love one another.  We truly liked each other and enjoyed being together.  I remember conversations where we surmised that we had chosen each other as siblings because we had so much fun together and had forged such deep connections.

When I was about sixteen, my second to oldest sister moved away.  It was beyond hard.  And then several months later, my oldest sister moved away as well.  Think about your two closest friends in the world moving away, together! I felt deserted and struggled, trying to find a new balance in my life.  All three of us had shared a room, and when they were gone, I felt like there was a huge void in my life, an emptiness that couldn’t be filled.

But as the years went by, and my oldest sister moved back for some time and then moved away again, it gave me the perspective I needed to form a bond with my younger brothers.  It was a reminder that we would all someday grow up and leave and it would never be the same again.

My next youngest brother and I had been close most of our growing up years and we grew even closer as we attended college together.  He was my closest friend, my cheerleader who gave me the push I needed to become who I wanted to be.

My two youngest brothers had become my dear friends as well, and so it was when I moved away from home in my twenty second year, getting married several months later.  My brother left on a mission at about the same time as me, and so a lot of changes were happening.

It was definitely easier to be the one leaving, than to be the one left behind.  I can only imagine how lonely my two youngest brothers must have been, when my brother and I left, cutting the siblings in half. 

It wasn’t until some years later, when more and more changes occurred amongst the siblings; new spouses, new children, that I started to feel an unexplainable sadness that things would never be the same again.  The dynamics of our family had changed drastically, and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it.   I loved each and every one of my siblings' spouses and was thrilled for each new marriage.  Each baby that was born, I promptly fell in love with.  But I still missed the way things were.

I remember one night thinking about the sweet times we’d had as kids and tears just running down my face that I would never, ever have that again.  It was a tangible hurt, but I pushed it away as I tried to accept the new family dynamics.   I knew that things were better for all of us, but it still stung that we couldn’t have the good ol’ times again.  Being spread out in four different states,  we would try to get together once a year, and even though I was dying to be with my family, when we were all together, (more than thirty of us) I was completely overwhelmed by the chaos.  It was madness and the adults couldn’t talk for more than a few minutes without being interrupted by needy little ones.  I felt dissatisfied that my relationships with some of the siblings that lived far away were not growing.  My two youngest brothers had been teenagers when I left, so I felt that I really wanted to know them more as adults.

Over the years, my sisters have been amazing at planning things so that the adults could feel more satisfaction in reuniting.  My sisters started planning Sisters Weekends, we did a Couples Weekend, and then my youngest brother suggested we all get together, just as siblings.

 

I wasn’t sure that it would really happen.  I mean, we all wanted it to, but with six different schedules, and five spouses having to watch the children while we left for three and half days was an amazing sacrifice for that many families to make.  But they did it!

We ended up going to our childhood sanctuary, Carpinteria Beach.  Growing up, our parents took us there every summer for a week.  I did not fathom the depths of my parents' sacrifice to take us camping for a week, until I was an adult with children.  Man, do I feel grateful!  It was magical for us.  We grew up only several miles away from a prison, so we weren’t allowed to run free around the neighborhood.  I remember at times hearing the sound of a chopper overhead and Mom yelling, "Get in the house!"  But mostly I felt safe in our gated yard, and I didn't feel caged in with our large front and back yard.  But still, for one week a year, it was an absolute treat to have complete freedom as our parents let us have free roam at Carpinteria.  It was wonderful.

And so there we were at our childhood romping ground.  I was a little apprehensive when I heard the plan, wondering if maybe we should make new memories, but as soon as I stepped out of the van, and felt the moist, salty air, I immediately felt relaxed.  It was so much the same as when we were kids and yet it felt smaller.  From an adult perspective, things were not as far away as I’d previously thought.

 We had camp set up in an hour.  And then we took a walk down the beach, taking some pictures and finding rocks for the game "Bocce Rock" that Ian initiated. 

A fire was made and we made the old tradition of Foil dinners, that tasted delish two hours later.  Mmmmm. It was nice just to chat and hang out. 

 The next morning, my brother Ben and I were the only ones awake, so we took a walk up the North end of the beach.  The beach was mostly deserted, the air was chill, the tide was low, and the birds were out for their morning breakfast.  It was just lovely.  It felt like our own secret paradise.  We found a place where the pelicans hung out, a place that is normally inaccessible when tides are high.

Ian and Seth wanted to make us a nice lunch, and boy they did.  I don't think I've ever had a gourmet lunch made on a camp fire. Our conversations went like this:
"Mmmm" 
"This is sooooo good."
"Oh my gosh.  This is delicious."
Grilled portabella mushrooms, onions, red and yellow peppers stuffed in a pita.  (At least that was what was in my pita) Oh. My. Goodness.  It was pure heaven.  Lorelle even taught me how to make the fire, since I am a novice at camping even though I grew up doing it.  I suppose that goes with the old saying "If you don't use it, you lose it."

 Lorelle and I took a bike ride and then headed down to meet the others at the beach. 
We headed up to Santa Barbara for dinner.  This was another example of the difference between a child's perspective and a parent's perspective.  I could have Sworn to you that Santa Barbara was an hour away, because that was what I thought as a kid, since the drive seemed so long, but it was really only about 20 minutes away.  We walked down the pier, enjoying the sunset views and picking up a sourdough bowl filled with clam chowder and crab cakes, which I thoroughly enjoyed and devoured.  I discovered that I actually love seafood when it's fresh and cooked right!

Then we headed over to El Torito, where we ate and talked and just bonded.  It was so nice that after all these years, we could still relate in the same ways and just enjoy each other's company.

 The next morning, we took a beach walk together.  My sister brought her spiffy camera, and I have to say, my brothers have come a Loooooong way.  From the days of refusing to smile in family pictures and having to be bribed just to get in the shot, they were very patient while we spent over an hour taking a multitude of different photos.  It was fun, and I couldn't help thinking how much my parents would enjoy it.  I love the above picture of my brothers because it reminds me of the three ninjas.  My brothers, at least the younger two were really into Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles and things of the like, so it was a fun reminder of the cute little guys they used to be, showing off their mad ninja skills to me.

 My sisters and I have always enjoyed doing "photo shoots". The only difference is that now we have way better technology and we can keep taking pictures until we get just the right shot.  But you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get a perfect "jumping" shot.

 Ian found a lobster tail, and was trying to make some phone calls with it.  I love that my siblings and I can be so silly together.  We totally "get" each other's humor and find each other immensely funny.  There is something so gratifying about that.

Once again, Ian and Seth cooked us lunch, which was gourmet and delicious and much better than so many restaurants I have been to.  Oh yum. 

And then we headed back to the beach!

 Amy and I went boogie boarding together, which was a blast.  Ian, true to form, somehow got some people to loan us their kayaks, so he and Lorelle went out and raved about the dolphins they saw, so we wanted to go as well. So, Ben, Amy and I went out.  Ian was helping us to go out and the waves were just monstrous, but Ian just continued to forge ahead.

My sister and I hurriedly got into the kayak and were immediately pummeled by a wave.  We pushed our way back out yet again, fighting our way against the waves, and then Ben and Amy quickly jumped in.  As I was trying to get in, this wave (below) came and I jumped to the side and ducked under the wave.  Ian, with one of the oars, and I, who at this point couldn't even touch the ocean floor, watched as Ben and Amy paddled farther and farther away.  They turned around and came back for me, and we made our way out to the kelp beds.  The kayak seemed pretty unsteady with three, and one of the oars was screwed on wrong, but somehow we made it.  I was glad we went, even though the most interesting thing we saw was the seaweed.  We spotted a sea lion from afar, but when we paddled closer, it disappeared.

 Even though I was thoroughly exhausted from all the fun we'd had, I wanted to go boogie boarding again with both of my sisters and relive the memories of old.  The water was frigid, and it was utterly exhausting just to get out there, but Ian convinced me to stay and so we rode some waves in.  It really was fun.  I hope to be one of those fun moms who boogie boards, surfs and kayaks with her kids.

 That night we headed back up to Santa Barbara to a Mediterrenean restaurant that had good reviews on Yelp.  Oh my goodness.  It was the most amazing place.  Outdoor seating with a small fire at every table, beautiful tube flowers hanging down, lemon tree branches hanging down and twinkle lights lighting up the night.  It was breathtaking.

The food was delicious and it was truly a perfect finale for our last night.

 Ian decided to go crazy with our bonfire, so as you can see, I am on the left side of the picture, shivering because I can't get close enough to the fire to get warm since it was spitting ashes.  But I have to admit, it was a cool fire.  We spent that night telling each other what we loved about each other.  (It was my idea) I don't know why, but I love doing stuff like that.  It is fulfilling to me to let the people I love so immensely know what I admire about them.

 The next morning, Ben and I were again the first ones up, so we took a last walk along the beach.  It was beautiful and secluded and so peaceful.  I was so grateful I could connect with Ben, since we live so far away and see each other so infrequently.  We ate breakfast and packed up camp.  It was nice that I didn't have that melancholy feeling, like I used to growing up.

I remember as a kid, on the last day, I felt utter dismay at leaving and as we drove further and further away, the empty feeling in my stomach grew.

But this time, I was eager to reunite with Brad and our children and couldn't wait to hug and kiss them and see them again.  I felt utterly and completely satisfied by our time together.  We had been able to fulfill that need inside me to have those sweet times together again.  We talked out issues and had conversations that were sorely needed.  Even though we didn't work our way through everything, I felt that we laid down a foundation for our relationships to grow and flourish even more.  I still firmly believe that we siblings chose each other.  I am so blessed to have them, and so grateful my parents sacrificed so much to raise six, healthy, thriving children.

 We saw this stunning rainbow on our way home.  Beautiful.  I've never seen anything like it.  We then ended the Siblings Reunion with lunch at Chipotle with Denver and Austin.

 What a reunion! I feel deep satisfaction knowing I have the most amazing siblings and that our relationships will only continue to grow and forge deeper bonds.